So I was going about my business on Friday afternoon. I had gone to yoga, done some work, had lunch with a new friend and generally was feeling pretty good about starting the weekend. So when, walking into my living room with the new John Le Carre book in hand headed for the sun drenched balcony, I discovered that my apartment was under attack one can reasonably understand my distress, yes?
To my horror, the left corner of my living room was a swarming black mass of ants. I'm not talking 20 or 30 ants; I'm talking hundreds, nay, thousands of ants covering the floor, the wall, the lamp, and even the suede footstool in the corner. Never in my life have I seen so many ants.
I immediately phoned my mother-in-law under the assumption that not only does she know how to handle all of these situations, but she no doubt has had her fair share of ant invasions as well. I was correct and instructed to purchase something called DOOM (sounded like it was just what I needed) and spray not only the live ants, but all the door frames, etc. where they were crawling in. However, I just couldn't bring myself to leave the house to go get this product. Beyond the fear of driving (which I'm slowly, at 60 kph, conquering) was the fear that if I left the little bastards for more than 5 minutes unsupervised, they would take over the whole apartment. Although I do doubt that in these economic times they could cover the rent without sending the queen to work, but that's neither here nor there.
So thinking about what I had on hand that was already poisonous, I selected Windex for its high ammonia content and went to work. Ammonia does it. As they started to feverishly drown in puddles of blue, I realized that for posterity's sake and to prove to Graham that I'm not just looking for excuses to panic, I needed to take some photographs. So behold! This is the picture of the invasion AFTER I wiped up 6 paper towels worth of ants and sprayed again...

Gross, believe me I know. But I sprayed them and cleaned it up and everything appeared back to normal. I looked under the couch and everywhere to see if I could find something that was attracting them or where they were coming from to no avail. I watched for signs of return while I read from the couch and placed the Windex bottle in front of the balcony doors as a warning, but not another stray ant appeared.
So triumphantly, I went to bed. And that, ladies & gentlemen, is where I made my mistake. I should have known better than to celebrate early with these little pests. I awoke the next morning to find them back with a vengeance. This time I wasted no energy with the Windex or the camera, and just threw on my running clothes and jogged up to the local supermarket with money tucked into my sports bra to purchase a can of the aforementioned DOOM.
Arriving back, I went to work and indeed DOOM it spelled for the ants. Unlike the Windex, this stuff drove more and more ants out from hiding to stagger around drunkenly high then collapse in small convulsions and ultimate death. Yes, the carnage was major. This went on for at least an hour before the flow of ants started to cease.
**SIDE NOTE: For those that think this sounds cruel and gruesome, I appeal to you to understand that I hate to kill things. In fact, I often step around ants on the pavement to avoid killing them. They have as much right to be on this planet as I do. HOWEVER, once they cross the threshold of my home as an uninvited guest, it's like any other invasion and I have to fight back. If you don't buy that, please refer to the picture above. Seriously, gross.
I am currently battling a much smaller volume and hoping the apartment maintenance team shows up soon with a better solution. Oh, and I'm off to the store to purchase more DOOM.
Fun!